Peace or Predetermination?

Firstly, I have to apologise. I wax lyrical about the importance of determination and belief and there I go, missing out on my self-imposed weekly deadline for the blog. Bear with me though, as I think it was completely reasonable that at the last minute I decided to go to see David O’Doherty at the Gulbenkian Theatre. This is why:



There we are. Justified.

Also, when he picked me from the audience to question my profession, I responded with “writer”. My heart was thumping, but I made my public confession.

I have made some genuine progress on the first week of my grand and scary adventure. I reached a psychological milestone by completing my very first paid assignment. I will admit that it was only for two automated e-mails provided by the good people at Dinner Select, however I am now the proud recipient of $25 for my troubles. I timed myself and I have renewed confidence that this ambition is a real possibility, nay a potential reality.

This led me on to question my reasoning for pursuing this venture. I want greater clarity on what motivates an individual to become successful in their chosen field and I'm unsure as to whether I’m pursuing this writing career to challenge or pacify my hyperactive mind. I certainly know that when I’m writing it’s my true focus. There is nothing in life that I have found that engages and satisfies as much as seeing the prose take shape. My mind works hard, but I feel relaxed.

You might see Wayne Rooney play football and it seems effortless, yet the synapses are undoubtedly in overload. But does that mean that Wayne Rooney has any less motivation than say, Brian Haw? Initially I believed that I should be bitter at people that had natural talent, why else would F1 drivers chose dull, pedestrian cars in their “normal” lives? Those that didn’t posses this mystical super-ability could only really become triumphant by intense, old—fashioned determinism. But then even this can have its undoing.

Gordon Ramsey and Anthony Worrell Thompson’s latest misadventures seemed to help me come to a conclusion that for my atonement I wished to achieve equilibrium between an easy life and the pleasure of a challenge. It now seems pretty obvious to say that the joy in life is in both the process and the result of the pursuit of ones desires.

My wife has recently observed that it seemed that the most excessive individuals had a bad childhood. Perhaps this is their undoing – Michael Jackson, Gordon Ramsey, Tom Cruise, Paul Gadd, etc. They all just seem to take life that little bit too far. I think I’ll be happy with equanimity (thank you Mum and Dad).

Right, I’m going to spend the next couple of hours trawling for another $25.